groundviews » LTTE offers tax break to Sri Lankan businesses

LTTE offers tax break to Sri Lankan businesses

February 22, 2009 at 2:56 am · Categories: Colombo, Satire | by Banyan News Reporters

Banyan News Reporters

by a Special Foreign Correspondent for Banyan News Reporters

London (February 21st) – Two Grammy Award winning paper planes of the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Ealam (LTTE) crashed in Colombo last night, killing two people and injuring 58 others according to our sources in Sri Lanka. The first plane exploded into the Inland Revenue Department building while the other one was reportedly shot down near Katunayake when its pilot’s identity was mistaken for a prominent journalist.

Moments after the attack, the pro-LTTE web media quoted Alan Greenspillai, the finance secretary of the banned terrorist organisation, who claimed that their mission was to give Sri Lankan businesses a tax break. “We want to encourage small and medium businesses to reinvest their tax savings on capital infrastructure and productivity gains to boost to the lagging economy during these tough economic conditions” he said.

The government defence spokesman pointed out that, with the tiger air-threat almost certainly entirely eliminated, citizens of Sri Lanka now have a real chance of not only winning the next Cricket World Cup under a stronger captain, but also of being able to watch the final game without any interruptions.

Our sources have confirmed that the Sri Lankan military had intercepted the radio communications between pilots and their command centre in Mulativu. One of the kamikaze-style pilots who was reportedly using a pocket torch to navigate his plane is said to have remarked that Energizer batteries are definitely more longer lasting than Eveready while the other had radioed back a vague remark about the absolute certainty of death and taxes.

853 have read this this article so far. You may also find these articles interesting:

TASTY CHOCOLATE AIDING TERRORISTS 17 March 2009, Colombo, Sri Lanka: Tasty Chocolate Manufacturers Pvt Limited is being investigated for assisting the LTTE’s aerial attack on Colombo on February 20 according to sources within the security forces. More than ten bars of chocolate were found in the LTTE plane shot down over Katunayake while investigations are being carried out on... Banyan News Reporters, March 17, 2009
Beam Me Up to Planet Football! If you’re an alien planning to invade the Earth, choose July 11. Chances are that our planet will offer little or no resistance. Today, most members of the Earth’s dominant species – the nearly 7 billion humans – will be preoccupied with 22 able-bodied men chasing a little hollow sphere. It’s only a game, really, but... Nalaka Gunawardene, July 11, 2010

Permalink | Share this article on Facebook

saambanar sugumugam said,

February 22, 2009 @ 6:26 pm

Oh dear here we go again! Utter nonsense! What is your Source? We need facts not gossip!
Here are the facts!
1A group based in London bought these planes in a self assembly kit at the famous Hamleys Toy Store in London and presented to Prabaharan. These were on a ‘buy one get one free’ deal. Since he already had the superior fleet of toy planes he offered them to the Rajapase Brothers as good will gesture and to make peace (Evidence: 2002 Election results).
2Prabaharan also sent the brothers the mechanic who built his submarine (which is now a toy of the SL Army), to assemble the toy planes. (Photographic evidence in Defence Ministry website).
3Mahinda wanted to test the coverage of the Indian supplied radars which failed on previous occasions. So he sent the toy plane to Katunayaka controlling it remotely from his living room. The radar detected the plane and shot it down. (Mission successful!)
4His brother Chamyl has lately been bothered by the evidence gathered against him at the tax office. So he sent the second plane to the tax office to set fire to the incriminating evidence. The plane could not break through the Commissioner of Taxes bullet proof office (Mission failed!).